im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
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she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
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Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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