She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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