I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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