just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
