At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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