I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
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Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
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I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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