9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
