D3 body, D1 cock
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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