please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
