Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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