i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it penis luge time yet?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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