My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
