I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
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it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
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Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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