I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
