Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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