So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
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You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
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There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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