Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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