So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
