I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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