and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
