Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
