At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
