it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
