i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
