I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
