I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
