she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
