i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
