White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he was CRYING into my vagina
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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