i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
time to smoke my breakfast
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
