Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
