I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
