Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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