I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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