OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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