I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
