it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
