Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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