I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
