You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
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He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
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i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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