Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
