No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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