Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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