White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
