Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
