Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
