Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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