Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
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I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
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So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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