I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My underwear smells like fireworks.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize