I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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