I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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