So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
