he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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