plz talk dirty to me
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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