i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
should my penis look like a turkey
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
