omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
