I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
