exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
