I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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