And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
