I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
