I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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