He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
