6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize