I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
