John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
