What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
This toilet bowl is my home.
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