If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
