Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
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