oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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