Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
