Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
