I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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