garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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